Self-love and self-worth isn’t about instant gratification. Like buying a new pair of shoes, eating an entire pizza, yelling at someone for a moment because you needed to get something off your chest. This instant gratification is not lasting–and could be damaging in the long run. Self-love means giving yourself what your body, brain, and soul needs for the marathon that is life. It isn’t hedonism and it isn’t chasing a physical or emotional high. The practice of self-love is the practice of nourishing and loving yourself. Check out 3 steps to putting your self-worth into action.
Over the past several months, I’ve learned so much about self-love and self-worth. It has left me speechless. But, I’ve declared my healing.
Before you start reading, let me pray my hearts desire for you:
Father, your people have come to this blog with an expectation to get a deeper understanding of self-love and self-worth. Let the spirit of wisdom just fall upon them as I am releasing what you have missioned me to do. Let them come into full confession. Empty me and everything from my lips that I may pierce the heart of every reader.
Father, let every heart that reads this blog be prepared to heal and to grab your word. Let it serve the very purpose that you’ve placed it in the atmosphere on my heart. I pray that your way and your will is done. In Jesus name. Amen.
Well! My self-love and self-worth journey started with Matthew 22:34-39. The Pharisees and Sadducees questioned Jesus. “Teacher, which is the great commandment in the law?” Jesus answered saying, ‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.’ And then Jesus said, ‘the second is like it: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’
Which Is the First Commandment of All?
For your reading, Matthew 22:34-39: But when the Pharisees heard that He had silenced the Sadducees, they gathered together. 35: Then one of them, a lawyer, asked Him a question, testing Him, and saying, 36: “Teacher, which is the great commandment in the law?”
37: Jesus said to him, ‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.’ 38: This is the first and great commandment. 39: And the second is like it: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’
First, my thoughts around self-worth have not really focused on being down in the dumps or delving deeper into self esteem issues. However, my message has remained the same according to Merriam-Webster. It’s simple. It’s a feeling that you are a good person who deserves to be treated with respect”.
That’s it. You want and deserve respect. And, if you don’t get what you deserve, you struggle in your relationships [usually they’re ruined] because you’re trying to find common ground that makes you feel worthy.
In my opinion, this definition holds even more true today because we’re among a generation of people that believe in celebrating themselves and their self-worth. Check out your social media platforms. People are appeased by new followers and celebrating what makes them feel good and respected among their core group.
Also, if you’re like me, after posting a couple of images on your social media pages, a few minutes later, you go back to check your “Likes.” We just love that feeling of satisfaction.
Don’t you judge me. You do the same!
Furthermore, in the celebration of self and the hoopla centered around certain apps that gives you the opportunity to reimage yourself has only compounded the problem.
But I find it fascinating that Jesus said to him, ‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.’ This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like it: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’
For this reason, if we’re planning on getting anywhere with loving ourselves first, we have to love God first because He created us. So, shouldn’t He know all about it?
Here, it gets a little tricky! It’s important you keep in mind ‘taking two poles with you’ as you continue to read this blog. Matthew 22:39, And the second is like it: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’
Look from where you are. Division is all around us. It has been magnified in every facet of our nation and the cultures we embrace every day. In short, it’s sown by showing people how different we are from each other. How different we speak and live. And the division continues to drive us into believing we should not be together as a people, race, family, and so on.
So now, what we’re actively doing to cover up our self-love and self-worth. We’re pushing the love language. “You have to love your neighbor as yourself.”
That’s true. But we can’t get so focused on our neighbor in the face of a lot of division where hate speech is being sown in the hearts of the people and in our culture. And we act the same way towards them too.
Fact is, we can’t love our neighbor, if we don’t love ourselves. It’s evident!
In fact, we can’t fully manifest and be the evidence of the God we love, if we don’t love ourselves.
Is it okay to say, if I haven’t accepted my own thoughts, downfalls and oppressions. Or, how redeemed that I am walking in Christ? I don’t love myself?
We can’t love our neighbor with full transparency and in truth if we haven’t figured out how to love ourselves. It’s impossible because God has put in place a contract between Him, man, and his neighbor.
Moreover, if we are going to walk in this love contract that has been designed through God perfect will, we have to love ourselves and be the bridge for others to feel safe to walk over. We have to find our self-worth first.
If it has yet to penetrate us first, we can’t be a bridge for our neighbors.
In the mind of God, He has created us so healthy and whole. And by the time our neighbor gets to us we should overflow them with God’s love so much that they should lack for nothing.
My tribe feels that way about me…
It feels good walking into a room full of people that are smiling back at you. Why? Their love is unconditional. I’m not perfect. But I intentionally walk in God’s love accepting my imperfections. And, I don’t mind showing them that I’m imperfect.
Also, I’m convinced people understand their self-worth and love themselves through how we’ve come to love our imperfections. In order for others to heal, we can no longer walk in error where we don’t love ourselves. It’s noticeable through our actions, the way that we speak and treat others.
We can walk around saying… “I’m ME!” I’m exactly who God created me to be. And, everything that I was before is a part of my testimony.
Look at it this way, your mishaps is the evidence of God’s glory, grace and love over your life.
When we get self-worth right, there is no filter on “The Gram or Facebook” that can match the beauty God has created you in nor is there a camera setting that can capture the majesty of who you are.
Can you pause right now and say that you love yourself and you are worthy?
Don’t be afraid. I had to go through this to get this blog to you.
We love ourselves because we know who created us. God loves us beyond what we believe we are. The beauty about God is… He sees what we’ve done. Where we are and our future and He says… I love all of it. I’ll still take it.
So, let me give you 3 areas where you have to learn to love yourself and to find your self-worth.
Forgiveness: Forgive yourself and who you were.
Get ready! You will meet someone that has been in your situation or may be even worse. You’ll be able to forgive them because God worked that thing out in your life that was tormenting you. There is no room for shame in self-love and self-worth. And even now, when that season comes up you thought you were done with. Or, better yet, had conquered.
You have to speak the truth to that thing. God loves you for who you are now and all of who you used to be. He has covered, redeemed and will never forsake you.
Patience: Loving who you are:
You can’t love who you want to be and what other people respond to. Go back and reference the definition of self-worth. God has blessed you with incredible gifts, abilities and talents. But your self-worth depends on how you act when you’re around a particular group of people whether or not they’ll accept your talents. The trap is set when people believe that’s all we are when we’re around them. Why? The way we present ourselves is what people get use to. So we continue to show them the part of us they’re used to. And we do ourselves a disservice because they are so many other parts of us that people miss.
For example, I simply love giving people ‘just because gifts’. Yelp! For no reason, I just love to give. But I got trapped in a situation where that’s what people thought I should do for them. One time, I was invited to a particular place, and I wasn’t thinking about taking along a ‘just because gift.’ However, upon arrival, someone said, “You didn’t bring me a gift or anything?” In short, people started identifying or placing expectations on me by one thing, if I would bring a gift or not.
Faith: Loving who you’re going to be
Yes, that’s faith because you’ve yet to see who you are becoming. As God speaks to you daily, He will confirm through His voice who you’re suppose to be. And, when you mess up. God will continually remind you about the destiny that’s ahead of you. He still says… “Yes, to all of you.”
Therefore, we have to love ourselves before becoming who God has created us to be. We can’t wait until we get the promotion, have the perfect marriage or children to love ourselves. Or, until we get to that perfect size on the scale before we love ourselves.
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Nonetheless, if you are struggling in one of those areas, you don’t love yourself. And the future trap you’ll face over time is not letting your past go when it’s time. So, the future will always have to drag along who you were. Coaching you to get it together, stop ruining relationships, and the list goes on.
Remember, everything you’re doing now is to link up with who you are becoming.
Today! What you say. What you do and who you’re around should reflect how much you love yourself. Take a step back and look at yourself or ask other people to examine if you really love yourself by your connections.
The people you’re around should edify, stretch, challenge and say no to you when you’re acting crazy. Those people should be sending prayers up on your behave. And you should feel confident in believing their prayers will be answered for you.
That’s self-love and self-worth.
In conclusion, next time, someone invites you into their circle. Take a step back and look at their circle. If it doesn’t fit where you’re going, don’t join. Your circle should be just that tight because you love yourself and you’ve found your self-worth.